Stealth Stereotypes

I recently watched two wonderful videos; one by Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and one by Sheryl WuDunn, Pulitzer Prize winner and co-author of the book Half the Sky. Both moving, must-see speeches.

One of the insights that caught my attention was the fact that power and success are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. This was substantiated by a Columbia University professor who shared the success-story of a silicon valley professional. In one class he presented the principal character as a female and the same story presented to another class, was a male. Although both classes agreed that the person in the story was competent, the male professional was admired and deemed likable where the female professional was labeled political and out for herself.

Where does this come from? University level students with such a consistent stereotype in North America?

Let me start by saying if you have a daughter, a niece or observe a friend's daughter there is a phase they go through from about 3-8 years of age I call the princess years. It's a magical time for little girls. They brim with confidence, believe they can be royalty and everything is still possible. But look closely at these princess stories and you will see that all is well unless you are the matriarch - the woman in power - then you are evil. Take the Queen in Snow White, the stepmother in Cinderella and even in the new princess movie - Tangled - the 'mother' that cares for Rapunzel; they are all evil, self-centered and out for themselves.

I had this 'taught' to me again in my adult life by a manager once. It was a situation where the group that reported to me was receiving a perquisite. Knowing they were taken care of I asked if it would also apply to me. The response I received was 'of course, it's all about you'. If I was not so aware of stereotypes I would have walked away from this interaction having learned NOT to speak up and ask for what I want; that asking for something would make me look bad. If you're in suspense, rest assured, I did not internalize that message. Think about that for a minute. If I had not learned my lesson in my developmental childhood years, after 20+ years of work, it was still being taught to me.

At least this stereotype is fairly obvious. What really bothers me are the stealth stereotypes. Again let's go back to common experiences of our childhood - Saturday morning cartoons. There is one in particular that has stood the test of time and is loved by boys and girls equally - where a group of teenagers and a dog solve mysteries. There are two female characters in this cartoon. One is the tall, beautiful girl with long flowing hair, who wears tight clothing that shows her curvy shape. The other female character who is smart, observant and usually solves the mysteries (if not solved by the handsome male character) is short, heavier, wears dark thick rimmed glasses, bulky clothing and by North American standards is less attractive. The message to young girls? The smarter girls are unattractive. That's a very powerful message to girls in the 'princess years'.

What am I saying here? Remember the negative correlation for women? Women will never hold an equal number of senior positions in business as long as both men and women are being taught, at all ages of their lives, that women in power are unattractive on every level. There. I said it.