Stealth Stereotypes

I recently watched two wonderful videos; one by Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and one by Sheryl WuDunn, Pulitzer Prize winner and co-author of the book Half the Sky. Both moving, must-see speeches.

One of the insights that caught my attention was the fact that power and success are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. This was substantiated by a Columbia University professor who shared the success-story of a silicon valley professional. In one class he presented the principal character as a female and the same story presented to another class, was a male. Although both classes agreed that the person in the story was competent, the male professional was admired and deemed likable where the female professional was labeled political and out for herself.

Where does this come from? University level students with such a consistent stereotype in North America?

Let me start by saying if you have a daughter, a niece or observe a friend's daughter there is a phase they go through from about 3-8 years of age I call the princess years. It's a magical time for little girls. They brim with confidence, believe they can be royalty and everything is still possible. But look closely at these princess stories and you will see that all is well unless you are the matriarch - the woman in power - then you are evil. Take the Queen in Snow White, the stepmother in Cinderella and even in the new princess movie - Tangled - the 'mother' that cares for Rapunzel; they are all evil, self-centered and out for themselves.

I had this 'taught' to me again in my adult life by a manager once. It was a situation where the group that reported to me was receiving a perquisite. Knowing they were taken care of I asked if it would also apply to me. The response I received was 'of course, it's all about you'. If I was not so aware of stereotypes I would have walked away from this interaction having learned NOT to speak up and ask for what I want; that asking for something would make me look bad. If you're in suspense, rest assured, I did not internalize that message. Think about that for a minute. If I had not learned my lesson in my developmental childhood years, after 20+ years of work, it was still being taught to me.

At least this stereotype is fairly obvious. What really bothers me are the stealth stereotypes. Again let's go back to common experiences of our childhood - Saturday morning cartoons. There is one in particular that has stood the test of time and is loved by boys and girls equally - where a group of teenagers and a dog solve mysteries. There are two female characters in this cartoon. One is the tall, beautiful girl with long flowing hair, who wears tight clothing that shows her curvy shape. The other female character who is smart, observant and usually solves the mysteries (if not solved by the handsome male character) is short, heavier, wears dark thick rimmed glasses, bulky clothing and by North American standards is less attractive. The message to young girls? The smarter girls are unattractive. That's a very powerful message to girls in the 'princess years'.

What am I saying here? Remember the negative correlation for women? Women will never hold an equal number of senior positions in business as long as both men and women are being taught, at all ages of their lives, that women in power are unattractive on every level. There. I said it.

Equality in the Workplace

I started to reflect on this as we close out American Women's History Month.

I always hoped to advance the cause for my two daughters (my son will be just fine).  I believe I've blazed a few trails to some extent; I studied ComputerScience and Math in University - two tracks entirely dominated by males.  Upon graduation I joined the tech world - 20+ years ago that was also a man's domain and to a great extent today, still is.

But how far have we come for my daughters?  Not too bad in my humble opinion.  Here is my sage wisdom garnered over decades of trying, failing, learning and growing.

 - You can have an impact on how equal your work environment is by how you behave
 - Everyone respects excellent work
 - Don't feign interest in sports, golf or anything else you truly don't like - it will be all too obvious
 - Genuine humour builds bonds across gender lines (don't take your job or career so seriously that you can't enjoy your peers - male or female)
 - Don't deny your femininity - I dress feminine, my Tag has a pink shell background, I wear shoes I love - and yes, sometimes open-toe sandals
 - Don't emulate men in any way
 - Call a spade a spade - don't mouse around tough issues
 - Leave your mothering instincts at home
 - There are plenty of male mentors and leaders who want to help you - find them and listen to them

Thankfully there are other factors that have changed since I entered the workforce and it has helped equalize the 'perception' of men and women's work ethics.  Men today are not all work.  They have family responsibilities; something that has weighed women down for decades and hindered them from advancement - called 'the mommy track'.
Men today change diapers during forecast calls, leave early to pick up their kids, take days off to coach soccer tournaments and make dinner.  This has made all the difference in the workplace not just because there is more empathy for family life, but because it has freed up women to pursue their careers more aggressively including travel which has been the most difficult to juggle if you don't have a spouse who shares the responsibilities at home.

It's not all blue skies though.  On the downside there are still vestiges of a male dominated work world that just don't seem to have budged.  The one that hurts women the most is when male camaraderie influences decisions and behaviour.  It's not pervasive but it's there.  It's subtle, almost imperceptible and I believe for the most part unintentional but it's there.

So, yes, it's improving but in inches not strides.  I'll take it nonetheless.

Kiva is not charity

What a brilliant idea; giving individuals the ability to lend money to others around the world.  With the enormous failure of our banking system, our lending system and our distrust of both, isn't it about time we take it into our own hands.  Yes, it's on a small scale but that's exactly what makes it doable.

So I chose who I want to lend money to based on their proposed enterprise, gender or country.  I chose women; individual women trying to better their lives and that of their family.  It resonates with me.  They pay you back over several months or a few years - sometimes at $1.25 per month.

Personally, I'm choosing to pick one woman each month.  We are so fortunate in this country - it compels us to reach outside our borders and wish the same fortune on others.

Best of all, it's not charity.  This gives the recipient enormous pride in their venture. To know that someone, many actually, believe in what you are doing and are willing to personally sponsor your efforts even if they live across the globe and will never meet you.

This is humanity and technology at their finest.

Here is my money... take as much as you want

Just a few questions that need to be asked:

If you are taxed at more than 50%, is that technically slavery to the state?

Why do people defend our tax rates by saying it goes to support the poorest of the poor? (I don't think we have a clue where it all goes.)

Are we really starting to consider our tax dollars as charitable contributions to society and if that's working so well, why are so many charities in desperate need of support?

Why do we have to fight to keep the school buses for our neighbourhood when our tax rates have never been higher?

Why do we still not have enough MRIs to serve those in the greatest need?

Why did our doctors leave?

If we don't complain when taxes such as HST unnecessarily decrease our spending power, have we willingly shifted spending power to the government?

If we lowered taxes across the board (dramatically), would Canadians pay for more of their children's education without asking for government aid? Would we save more for our retirement? Would we pay off more of our mortgages? Could we start small businesses with fewer grants?

Can our government trust us to use our own money wisely, instead of taking it in taxes and making us ask for it back when we need it?

but that's just from my vantage point....

Conclusion: the line between your private life and professional life will eventually disappear

Hypothesis:  this is only a generational problem.

Questions:
If almost anyone can see my Twitters, foursquare updates, blogs, etc - then do i need to worry about people at work reading a blog rant that is my personal opinion?   something i would never express at work? 

Is the executive coaching notion of creating a brand for yourself at work out of date? If you've created a brand of strategic, innovative and collaborative leader - how does that get tarnished when you post that you found a cow in Farmville?

Do you now have to brand yourself in every aspect of social media?

Does the sheer transparency of social media take away my will to speak & act freely with these tools?

Hypothesis:

I believe that the Millennial Generation (born between 1980-2000) who are pouring into the workforce to replace the Boomers will not care.  These were the MySpace, AIM pioneers and they've never divided their life into persona compartments like the rest of us did - work Jo Ann, mom Jo Ann, friend Jo Ann.  When they are the majority in the workforce I expect they will take the integration of social media (for the purpose of socializing) into the workplace.  They won't judge each other like we do.

See Conclusion.

Airports treat businesswomen unfairly

I hesitated to use the word discriminate, partly because the term is already hackneyed, but mostly to not offend the airlines and airport security officials who are, I believe, unaware of the unfairness of their safety regulations.

Here's how it works for a woman travelling for business:
There are 2 pieces of luggage every business traveller uses every time they travel: a laptop bag (which I hope my iPad will eventually eliminate) and a carry on - which no seasoned business traveller would ever consider checking.  That's all you're allowed through security and on the plane - 2 pieces of luggage.  The problem is that businesswomen, like myself,  also carry a purse.  I have dozens; love them; have no intention of giving them up.

Do you know what they ask female business travellers to do with their purses?  They make us put them in our laptop bags (impossible) or in our carry on luggage (impractical).

So after I've passed through security, with my purse in my carry on, I have 3 choices:

1. take my purse out until i board the plane, where they will make me put it back in my carry on
2. open my carry on in public to retrieve my wallet so that I can pay for my Timmies coffee
3. take my wallet out of my purse, store it somewhere I normally wouldn't and hope like hell i don't lose it before it can go back in my purse where it belongs

but there are other options

• put my laptop in my carry on - also impractical
• get a really big laptop bag and stuff my purse contents in it (verging on ridiculous)
• give up my purses altogether and opt for a man's wallet which I would carry in my back pocket
• insist men carry purses so that the regulation will be changed.

 but that's just from my vantage point  :)